Undecided

One Lazy Saturday Afternoon...

My life is so full of decisions...and I can't make them. It's quite disturbing. Just like right now, I am sitting here, instead of going out to catch a bit of Sun, visit the chemists and get myself the antibiotics I was prescribed.

Instead, just as you could suppose, I am sulking at home, thinking how badly ill I am (poor little me) how unfair it is that it's Sunny out there and why on Earth there is nobody to bring me in that chocolate I am craving. This is hopelessly undecided afternoon.

That's what happens when you are at home with pleuritis. If the chest pain was on the left side of my chest I would have all kind of black thoughts...but hey!

So, I am sitting here, thinking about my life (how pathetic) and I have to say, I don't particularly want to go back to work on Monday. You neither? Welcome in the club. Let's face it...what is awaiting me? Screeming customers, unreachable targets, unreasonable requests...maybe I should find a different job. I mean, I have been there for 2 years. Is that long enough? Can't decide on that.

Plus, do I really want to live in this country? I can't tell you for I don't know. I wish I could pluck up some courage and flyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy out of here. Can somebody let me know when you find a fairy godmother with an available appointment? I think I would like to ask for few things...she better be good. Although I wonder if I could actually decide what I would want to happen most.

You know, recently I was thinking I would love to open a cafe. How great it would be. My friend told me I must be "going bonkers", well, I might, but who cares! I just see myself baking in the kitchen and doing all kinda crazy stuff...but you can't do something like that on our own. But unshakable as I was...I marched into the library to get some books about setting a small business...and so on, I studies hard, so hard that I made myself believe I am back at the college. (now..I am beginning to see my friend's point )

But oh well, I gave up. One person cannot do it all. And so I keep on hating my job, and still undecided what to do with my life. If somebody asked me...I would say my dream is to be a writer. I have been trying to write for years...and I never give up. That's one thing I've never given up. But how would I know that somebody would be interested in my books. I don't expect to join the club of lucky ppl like J K Rowling, Danielle Steel...etc...I am not such a high flyer. But to have enough money to get a little cottage by the sea..and publish a book a year, that will keep me going so I can enjoy a bit more of life...nice idea.

So, good afternoon to you all who can make decisions much easier than I do, and to all the hopeless ppls like me...hang in there.