After I spent the whole weekend in bed, waiting for the antibiotics to kick in, so I can "run" back to work this morning...I gave up and stayed at home. I felt pretty much crap in the morning. I have to say I had mind battles about this "skiving" whole day long. And then my colleague send me "a get better" email to say: "I am so jeallous of you sitting at home right now, as it's pretty manic here." Boy, didn't that make me feel much better! 
I've been thinking about all the decisions I am suppose to make. Everybody kind of expects you to do a certain thing. The most difficult part is to actually please everybody. That will never work. 
Somebody once said, you have to follow your own heart to lead you and show you the way...is it possibly you feel led in two ways? or is it just me going nutz here. I can't explain, but sometimes I feel so hopelessly left to swim or sink. And with my fantastic abilities...(can't swim) ...i will most definitely sink.
I've read through a book of mine that I wrote some six years ago...amazing how much one changes in six years. Yet I feel I still am this naive creature that I was then. Maybe more sarcastic and more uptodate with life's ways and customs...but..still a hopeless dreamer.
Gosh, how I hoped to actually publish the book...now I wonder, who would read this bluff?
Don't we have enough authors who describe any possible shape of romance? You name it from Danielle Steel...to novel authors in the past..I don't have a chance to beat Jane Austin's masterpieces. Timeless.
At times I get a hold of a book and after reading few pages I get an impression I could do better than that. Does it mean that any rubbish get published nowadays? Does it mean you just have to know ppl in right places? Or am I just to self-critical thinking that I don't stand a chance? I wish I knew what ppl think about my books, yet I fear that nobody would like them. Pathetic right?
I will be packing my suitcase in about a month time! hurrayyyy...not sure why on earth am I rejoicing. it's only for two weeks. But with the helping my brother to revise, I will feel like being back at the college...down the memory lane. But it feels good to wave this town a farewell, at least for a short time. Maybe I am quite lucky that I am feeling crap, otherwise I would start packing now. I am that idiot who kinda gets excited and over excited ages before the holidays. 
I better get going...
